Story Man

Today at work I pulled out a book that my friend Terry bought me for Christmas. It is full of cheesy ideas to get people to start writing. I actually like a lot of them though because I just never have the energy to come up with ideas. Here's one I took from the book:

You find a news article that grabs your attention and build upon it. I found this one on the NYT website. The title made me laugh so I thought I'd add a little to the story of a whale killing its trainer. (It's not a funny story because someone died. Don't think I'm evil).

The trainer's name was Dawn and the whale's nickname was Tilly. That should clear up the following:

"Ya, I got her. I got her real good. Still can't believe she didn't see it comin' though.

Who was she to pat my head, toss me a fish every now and again? I'm a WHALE. We don't need three fish a day. Back at home I used to chow down for hours before I was full.

Anyway, I warned her. Guess she don't speak my language. I don't speak hers neither but she always got the message across with that stupid noise machine around her neck.

"Tilly, jump through this. Tilly, carry me across the pool. Tilly, spin in circles."

Finally I had enough; it was time to show her my real potential. My jaws could crush a Volkswagen.

Shiny black skin musta made her think she was like me. She wasn't like me at all. So when she told me to pick her up with my nose, I did. Then I opened my mouth. Then I closed it real quick. It probly hurt real bad, but it was over soon enough. Not like me. I been sufferin' for years.

They call me a killer. Wouldn'ta done nothin' if they'd just left me alone. Took me away from my family, my friends, my food. Ought'a just leave a whale alone and there'd be no name calling. There'd be no killer. Dawn would'a gone home to her family again and I would'a done the same.

Still can't believe she didn't see it comin' though."

Let me know what you think.

This is what "Happy Feet" does to you. Makes humans evil.

I miss her

I just caught up on a couple of episodes of the Office that I missed while I was on my mission. I'm sure that the writers didn't know I'd watch them now, but it seemed like they were just trying to hit me where it hurts.

I watched the two-part episode about losing weight. That's not where it hurts. Let me finish.

In the first episode Pam and Jim are dating. Pam goes off to New York for three months to attend an art school and Jim stays in Scranton. I think you can see where I'm going with this.

The second episode contained Jim's proposal of marriage to Pam.

Needless to say my emotions were running high throughout.

Long distance relationships are difficult in my estimation. It is comforting to know that we'll be together again in April, but it's the kind of comfort that only slowly fills the hole growing in my chest.

Wow, that sounded depressing.

I'm in love. There's nothing depressing about it. I'm happy because I found the person who blesses my life every day and whose voice alone can make me feel at home again.

But I still miss her. April cannot come fast enough.

Don't even bother reading this one

Per Molly's request I am writing a remix to a Lady Gaga song. Think "Paparazzi."

To explain the lyrics (ironically): Molly and I were just talking over the phone about how much we like receiving comments on our blogs and how lame it is when nobody writes anything. This song is a radicalized viewpoint based on our discussion. It's not serious. Please don't think I'm crying myself to sleep because nobody reads this.

Begin.

This is my blog

How sa-sad is it

I have zero comments

Though I write awesome songs

It's ridiculous

Only Molly reads any of this

Lady Gaga, she sings

So much nonsensical crap

Not sure what it means

But I remixed her song

Might think it's stupid

Probly the worst thing I ever did

Now you see that baby I

I need some more blog fans

Who'll follow me and say they love me

(But just till, till I'm married)

Cause after that Molly will kill you

If you're thinking of me

(Deadline, August 14th)

Promise I'll give up

As soon as someone new writes "Hey what's up"

I only have a blog so you will read my crazy ramblings

Someone, someone stop me

I feel dirty after writing such a pathetic song. Look, I told Molly I would. It was important. Plus I'm fairly certain she will be the one person reading it so it's safe to say I cannot be embarrassed by it.

Try and rewrite a song you barely know. It is much more difficult than it appears. Scout's honor.

Good night.

One more shot

I see that my prediction was true. Nobody caught onto the 99 Problems remix. Oh well.

Today was fantastic. I don't really know why. It probably has to do with all of the endorphins coursing through my body since I went to the gym again for the first time in a couple of weeks. Traveling and sickness can really be preventative.

Maybe today's song should be based on that theme. Let's see how it goes.

Hotel California - Eagles

On a cold winter driveway/ icy wind in my hair

Sneakers tied, I'm doing stretches/ for a run I prepare

Not too far in the distance/ I have Gold's Gym in my sight

My head grows heavy and my sight goes dim/ I have to walk or I'll die

There she stands in the doorway/ she takes my membership pass

And I am thinking to myself/ should I do biceps or should I do abs?

Get a drink at the fountain/ then I pick up the weights

The manly voices of the patrons grunt/ I thought I heard them say:

Welcome to the gym in Provo, Utah

Such a dingy place, barely enough space

There's a theater room at the gym in Provo, Utah

Hannah Montana's on, don't you love this song?

Ya......I just do this for my own enjoyment.

It's late. I'm going to bed. Hopefully I didn't utterly destroy a classic.

Requests will be accepted.

I'm on a roll

My title is appropriate for two reasons:

My Sundays are becoming constantly more Sabbath-like

and

I keep re-writing songs on my blog, which tradition I will continue this evening.

First a public thank you to Molly for being patient with me. Sometimes I'm not fun to deal with over the phone.

And now for a song. This is 99 Problems by Jay-Z. I'm not saying you should listen to the song because it is not exactly appropriate. I know it because of the Linkin Park remix album. Here's my own little remix (second verse). I dedicate it to all of the BYU guys who feel like they're stuck in an eternal dating world:

Now the year's 94, I'm back from the mish

Got my eyes set on grantin' some pretty girl's wish

She's got two choices y'all, she can marry me or

Bounce out my life, leave me lyin' on the floor

Now I ain't tryin' to cause no drama in this place

Plus I got a few options, and I can drop her case

So I...have a DTR on the side of the road

She said, "Boy, I don't know what you're stoppin' here for"

"Cause I'm young, so are you, we should give things a go

Do I look like a freshman, girl I don't know.

Are you gonna marry me or should we date some mo'?"

"Well you were doin' real fine till a second ago.

Go ahead and drop me off, don't ask me out again

I'm not as into you as I'm into your friend."

"I ain't ready to call it quits, girl this feeling's legit."

"Would you mind if we saw other people for a bit?"

"Well my testimony's solid, so are my grades and my job

But fine, go ahead and try Jim or Bob."

"Aren't you quite the catch. You Donny Osmond or something?

Somebody important or something?"

"I ain't American Idol, but my music's worth a look

You can check me out on myspace or facebook."

"We'll see how fly you are when the ward dance comes."

I got 99 problems, girls are number 1.

If you're having girl problems, I relate to you son.

I got 99 problems, girls are number 1.

That probably got carried away, but I had to see it through to the end. I'm almost sure that nobody who reads my blog will appreciate how much effort went into accurately placing lyrics to the same beat and style. I will probably be better understood posthumously. Most great artists are.

Another Medicated Night

I am mostly sure that my illness is over with. As a precautionary measure I have ingested a recommended dosage of medicine.

Today I worked five hours and almost had the terrible misfortune of working another four tonight. Thanks to an understanding coworker, I was able to sidestep the more painful shift.

With my free time I was productive. I did homework. I watched a tv show. I watched a movie.

As an interesting bit of news, I was informed today that BYU has awarded me half-tuition scholarships for both Spring and Summer semesters. I will not be attending either semester so it does me no good but it certainly was nice to know they thought well enough of me to offer me money to stick around.

Once again some people are in my living room at an indecent hour watching a movie and an ear-shattering volume displaying an utter disregard for the rest of us who live here. I guess it's something I'll not have to deal with in a few months. I don't think Molly will sit in our living room watching Newsies while I'm trying to sleep. At least I hope not.

Let's try another song. My eyelids are closing involuntarily so I will of course rewrite the words to reflect my current state. I'll go with John Denver's classic "Take Me Home Country Road."

Almost midnight, Provo, Utah

Blessed roommates don't respect the curfew

I'm feeling tired, want to go to sleep

But they're still watching movies

Driving me crazy

Medicine, do your best

Give me sleep, give me rest

Because tomorrow, I've got classes

Do your best, medicine

Thank you and goodnight.

Busy Busy Busy

I feel like there are a thousand assignments due this week.

This is good experience for me, somehow. I don't know what this will teach me. Perhaps to never have free time.

Anyway, life is moving quickly. I feel like I need to pull a Ferris Bueler. Unfortunately if I called in sick tomorrow I would miss two shifts and my boss would fire me. It's just not rational to throw caution to the wind on this one. Oddly enough I'm actually sick.

I have nothing really exciting or new to report. I just felt like posting something.

Oh and my roommate just clogged the toilet for the third time. Apparently in his house nobody taught him how to use less than 30 sheets of toilet paper at a time.

Let's try to rewrite some words to a song. I'll go with something old school. Vanilla Ice "Ice Ice Baby" (since it's the only song he ever rapped that people might remember). I will try to twist the lyrics to my present situation.

Stop, don't text your friend, just listen

This lesson's on the Constitutional Convention

Somehow you feel your eyelids close tightly

Droolin on your desk, that's very unsightly

Will the teacher wake you? I don't know

Powerpoint slides, they really blow

If there's a math problem, I can't solve it

Check out my grade while the DJ revolves it

So you can see what happens when I'm sick of homework, tired, and feeling the effects of TylenolPM. Pretty sad.

You Had Me At Hello

For those of you who started reading hoping that I would tell our engagement story, I'm not going to. I will tell of the events leading up to it. The rest is for Molly to tell.

Here's the deal: in order to pull off a surprise this big, I had to involve a lot of people and they had to stay very quiet about it. So first of all, big props to anyone who knew and kept it a secret.

My trip from Utah to California began at 3:20 a.m. (MST) when I arose and prepared to drive to the airport. Upon arrival I checked in and got to my gate. Once on the plane we were made aware that the plane needed to be de-iced which would take "only a few minutes folks." It ended up taking an hour. I was totally patient through that little bump in the road and I made it to my connecting flight with about 30 seconds left. I was the last one on the plane before they closed the plane door.

This second flight was a trip. Pun intended. I won't give you all of the details, but suffice it to say I sat on a plane for 9 hours without getting off. It was a tough time and we had three de-icing stages and once they had to refuel the plane.

Fear not my friends, for the Lord is God. He listened to the prayers of my family and friends. I found a friend on the flight who upgraded my ticket to first class after a few hours of waiting on the plane. So for the last four hours I was in first class and on the flight home I got a meal (only one of the entire day) and a drink (second of the day).

Well I know I haven't gone into great detail but it's because I'm supposed to be at Molly's and I'm excited to see her again.

I hope you all enjoyed the sparsely decorated story. Ask me in person and I'll build it up for you.

Sabbath Day Musings

Today I bore my testimony and I was really happy that I did.

I didn't intend on doing so, and I don't remember the last time I jumped up first to the podium, but the Spirit was prompting me to.

Last night I had an experience that at first glance was just one of those times in life where you correct your course slightly and are happy. Here it goes:

I was hanging out with two of my friends having a great time with a picture scavenger hunt we designed for ourselves. We got back to my house and one of them said we should go to a bon fire that his girlfriend was going to. Upon arrival at the agreed meeting place before departure to the fire, I found the circumstances undesirable and I wanted to go home. At first my friends were resistant and wanted me to stay, but I heard a little voice in my head (my dad's voice because this is a phrase he taught me) say, "If there's some place you don't want to be, don't go there." So I walked home slightly disappointed that I didn't continue on with my friends but glad that I controlled myself enough to walk away. I got home and all of my roommates were eating cinnamon rolls that Marc made and they yelled "Oh good he's here" and gave me one. It was a glorious dessert and I thought nothing of the timing of the whole thing except "Good thing I showed up now or it would've been gone."

Today during the sacrament the thought came to me that last night was a perfect miniature-life of sorts. Often times Satan (not that my friends are the devil or even associated with him) presents us with situations that are partially harmful or unappealing, but makes us feel bad about wanting to leave. Every time we make the choice to follow our better judgement, we are rewarded. Not always with a delicious cinnamon roll, and not always immediately, but God gives us blessings without fail for following the Spirit.

That was a great insight to have. I am definitely grateful for the wise sayings of my father and the incredible plan of my Father in Heaven who wants me to be in the best places doing the best things all the time.

Hopefully you all had such a Sabbath.

Candace, Glance at This Post

Ode to Candace:

You make desserts uniquely tasty

Though your career is not based in pastry.

You help the children recover quick

When they come to your hospital feeling sick.

You love your family, every one

Although sometimes they aren't much fun.

You make sure girls are visited

When it would be easier to stay in bed.

Oh Candace, Candace, sister of mine

You're 97 percent divine.

As for the other three percent

You'll get them if you pay my rent.

For anyone who doesn't know, my sister is Candace. She is the best sister ever. Hence I broke away from my usual love-drunk posts to mention her awesomeness. Amen.